Have you ever had the feeling or found out you were being used? Out of nowhere you had a funny feeling in your stomach, your body felt warm and tingling and you felt like you had to throw up? I’m sure if you live on the planet Earth and are human at some point in your life you’ve used or been used by someone, it’s just never easy when you come to realize that you’re the one being used.
Lately it seems as if I’ve been hearing a lot of stories of people being used in so many different ways. A good example of this is the recent allegation against ex-football player Terrell Owens who’s ex wife claims that he only married her for her credit score. After she realized that he needed a quick come up so he can again began to live the lifestyle he once lived when he was a professional football player, she quickly filed for divorce. The reality is this happens and is happening all the time. It seems as if the roles are switching between men and women. Women are the ones being more responsible and keeping their finances and credit in order while a lot of men are looking for a come up and are only marrying and committing to relationships if there’s some type of benefit from it. Men use to be the bread winners but it seems as if the women are the bread winners these days and running the households financially. How do you protect yourself and know when someone really loves you compared to only wanting to be with you for a benefit?
Also, people are only befriending other people because of who they know or what they can do for them. See there’s a huge difference between networking and using. Networking means the benefit is mutual. Using requires deception and lies at some point and only one party benefits from the connection or the relationship while the other side receives the short end of the stick.
It’s hard to keep a genuine spirit and freely give love and trust when there are so many vultures waiting to suck the life out of their next victim and it could be you. So without being skeptical of everyone who breaths air, how does one find a happy medium? Have you ever been used or felt used by someone you cared about? If so, how did you handle it?
Sometimes it’s hard to stay all the way clear of negative people. No matter how hard you try to keep a positive circle of influence around you, every now and then a “neg bomb” sneaks it’s way into your circle. A “neg bomb” is a term we use to use at this marketing firm I worked at in 2006. Anytime someone was always complaining or always had something negative to say no matter what, we would classify them as a neg bomb; basically that person is a “Debbie downer” or a pessimist.
I’ve adopted a new phrase that I saw on instagram the other day, anytime I feel someone around me is giving off extremely negative energy on a consistent basis the first thing that comes to mind is “KEEP YOUR MISERABLE ASS AWAY FROM ME.” On a daily basis as human beings we already have plenty of challenges that each and every one of us have to overcome. No matter what your place is in the world or on this earth, life is not perfect for anyone. With that being said, after conquering the daily challenges and putting up with life’s bullshit, who has time to deal with the next unhappy soul giving off negative energy and vibes all day…everyday? If you find yourself with a person or people like this around you, recognize it quickly and dispose of that energy because it’s not healthy for anyone. If every time I talk to you on the phone or in person you’re always upset, mad, angry, complaining, talking negative about other people, situations, yourself or the world, nine times out of ten you’re a “neg bomb” and I’ll be happy to let you explode all by yourself in your special little corner.
For 6 months in 2012 and the beginning of 2013, I worked as a Financial Advisor for an awesome company named NestWise. Even though I didn’t stay there long because the company eventually went out of business, I learned so many things about myself and people during my time there. Also, being with that company made me grow out of my comfort zone tremendously because I was embarking on a career path that I’ve never tapped into. When I was first hired as a new advisor the Vice President gave me a deck of cards that had all these different values written on each card. Examples of what was written on each card were words like: Family, Love, Money, Financial Security, Charity, Freedom, Happiness, etc. He told us to narrow what we value most down to five cards; this exercise was a little hard to me and my colleagues because we felt like all the cards were a value of ours. At the end of the exercise, my VP explained to us that we need to live in alignment on an everyday basis to what we value the most and whatever it is we want most from life. I’ll never forget that exercise we did in the conference room that day and I’ve been trying to keep that as the forefront of my life ever since.
This morning I was having a conversation with a friend of mine I’ve known for the past 6 years and after we hung up I realized I’m going to delete his number and never pick up his calls again. I’m at a point in my life where I only want to surround myself with people that are on the same page as I am as far as wanting to take my life to another level. I really don’t have time for people that say one thing but do another. How can you say you want success but you in the clubs every night? What exactly are you celebrating if you can’t even afford to buy a drink in the club you are partying in? How can you say you’re looking for a wife but in the same breath say you don’t have time to date? I’m guessing a genie will cross their arms, blink twice and a wife will appear in front of you. Yup that’s it!! I’m sure he’s not the only person that wants one thing out of life but is doing the total opposite or nothing at all to get it. I see and hear many people that think their living in alignment with their goals but actually are far from it. I’m not the perfect angel but the first step in living in alignment with your values and goals is taking a step back and doing some self-evaluation. Once that step has been taken, you can then start to live within your truth and take the necessary steps towards living in alignment with everything you value most.
As you go through the motions of everyday life for the most part it’s hard to maintain a child like outlook when everything around you seems to crumble, people use you and take advantage of you and everything you thought was working out ending up crashing and burning. If this is happening to you, does that mean you need to take a more pessimisstic outlook on life and change your beliefs, values and character?
One thing that’s guranteed in life is change. People will change, situations will change, technology will advance and change, life will go up and down and sometimes you’ll feel like you’re on a rollercoaster ride. Would everyone be satisfied in life if it was just one boring straight line, nothing changed, everything was always the same and predictable and you never had to figure anything out? That’s why it’s called a journey because there are lessons to be learned and obstacles to overcome. Good times will occur and bad times never last. Everyone has their season to prosper and be elevate to a higher level of happiness you just have to learn how to make lemonade out of lemons and if you’re a person of good character never loose the values that were instilled in you.
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)